This year was the first year I had a feeling that my life may not last forever. At 37 years of age it seemed to finally dawn on me that we only get so many sunrises. I would either live a very long life or have everything taken away from me quite prematurely. To say that life is short messes with our minds.
Everyone has felt the boredom of waiting for someone for a few minutes, or the slow ticking by of hours when doing something we totally detest. But then looking at the big picture, the last twenty years seem to have flashed by…what’s that all about?
We foolishly waste our time in all sorts of ways, rarely thinking that those moments aren’t coming back. Every time that sun comes up, you’re down one more day.
My wake up call came as I waited for a client in Madrid. Wanting to make use of every moment, I was catching up on my latest book when I hastily took a big slug of water. Once the first bit went down my throat I knew it wasn’t totally going down the right way. However, because I didn’t want the inconvenience of coughing, I swallowed quickly, pushing a huge amount of water unexpectedly into my lungs. Big mistake!!
Immediately I dropped the book and bottle and slumped to my knees. This was not good! I could neither breathe in nor cough out, so I just knelt there with only my thoughts as company. People say that drowning is quite a peaceful way to die. You are helpless and know that nothing can be done, so you just settle into your faith.
After my initial struggle, I was full sure that this was my moment. Instead of being at peace, all I could think of was the mountain of things I hadn’t achieved in my life. I felt very alone and very disappointed. After feeling almost invincible for the last thirty-seven years, now I felt fragile and vulnerable. I could hear life continuing on around me but none of that mattered. I was about to fall unconscious and ultimately to my death full of regret and sadness.
Thankfully after what felt like fifteen minutes, my body rejected the water that was in my lungs as I projectile vomited all over the floor. According to research, when a small amount of water (for instance, a mouthful) is inhaled, it is rejected immediately and vigorously by the lungs via coughing. My problem was the amount of water. It was too large to immediately reject, which is why I had some time to say adiós to this world!
I made a promise to myself that day that I would no longer waste time doing things that were meaningless to the overall vision of how I wanted my life to be. I made five promises to my future self. The next time possible death comes knocking, I’ll be alone with my pride and happiness, knowing that I did all I could with the moments I had.
The Five Promises
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Rely on your Intuition
Listen to yourself! Not to the ridiculous thoughts that rebound around your head all day, but those deep feelings that are guiding you without you fully knowing or understanding them. If it feels right then give it all you’ve got, but if it feels off, time to adjust course. No regrets when you’re eighty-five looking back on your life choices.
In Bronnie Ware’s insightful book “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying”, the number one regret was, “I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself”. Let’s never get to this point.
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Take Action!
Be a doer! Read the book, take the course, get advice by talking to people, and then just go out and start doing. Delete the word “someday” from your vocabulary. It’s either right now, an agreed on date in the future, or never.
It’s easy to get the information but it’s a hell of a lot more difficult to start taking the first steps. Don’t tell anyone what you’re going to do, just go out there and show them.
I was guilty of making imaginary plans about travelling more or finally getting going on my career, but never committing, by only going skin deep with all my ideas. You’ll be amazed at how fast that initial forward motion takes you, and you learn so much by getting things done.
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Look After your Old Wolf
There’s a saying that your young wolf must look after your old wolf. Everything you do now affects the person you are to become. If you are not giving yourself enough exercise, sleep or quality food, you may be getting away with it now, but your old wolf will pay for it later. Fast forward thirty years to health problems, crocked knees and joints, or depression and anxiety.
Whether you end up living to eighty and beyond or not, treat your body like it’s going to be with you for a very long time. It may be easy to replace a hip, but replacing your heart and lungs is a lot more difficult. This may involve some investment, but it will be worth it! Arriving to eighty or ninety with all your original body parts and a full set of teeth, means your young wolf did a wonderful job watching over the years it was guardian of.
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Don’t be so Serious
Guilty!! Absolutely nothing mattered to me when I was praying for just one more gasp of air with two lungs full of water. When all is stripped away, life is there for us to enjoy and to be around the people we love. Deadlines, calls I needed to return, and emails I wanted to read all melted away.
If you had asked me then when the last time I had laughed was, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. We get caught up in so many things that sometimes fun gets pushed to the side.
That’s certainly what had happened to me. Yes, you achieve a lot, but socially I was becoming withdrawn and awkward around people. This was not my natural state, but my choices to that point were turning me into a dull robot.
All of us can still get swallowed up by work and the realities of life, but small things can be done. I chose to smile more. At the start I had to consciously remind myself, but it quickly got easier. As Dave Ramsey, the famous financial speaker says, “If you’re happy, let your face know about it, and smile!”.
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Spend More Time with People
Introvert or extrovert? I’ve never fitted fully into either one so now, thanks to modern wordsmiths, I can call myself an ambivert! Yes, I would be classified as a mix of introvert and extrovert depending on the social situation.
Even though I have a touch of extrovert in me, I would happily spend days working and never truly stop to connect in a meaningful way with anyone. That saw friends come and go and I became very lazy about keeping in contact.
I was quickly reminded that people are all we’ve got. During my brief moments of strangely drowning on dry land, the one thing I wanted was to see another human’s face. I didn’t care who it was, I just wanted to feel one last little connection before I went. When you die, be sure to have made strong enough connections that there will be warm, comforting eyes looking at you as you take your last breath.
I fully realise that I can only imagine what a “real” life and death moment would feel like, but my brief brush with it was enough to scare the bejaysus out of me! Those five promises have stayed with me ever since. If I catch myself wandering from them, a quick think slaps me back into reality.
In my mind, we get one shot at this. Thankfully at 37 I am wise to the fact that we won’t continue forever, but while we are here I’d like to have no regrets. As the social media tycoon Gary Vaynerchuk has said, “The biggest poison in us is regret”. Steer clear of it by being happy to be you, doing what you do, every day you’re here.